Eats nov 22

Eats nov 22
Gr turkey eggs
Salas honey must bac bits chkn carrots
Tea diet hot
Granola bar sweet n salty
Chilis:
Chips
Queso
Nachos
Ribs, 1/2 rack
Fries
Paradise pie share
Coffee

Eats saturday

Eats saturday

Egg and gr turkey, ketchup
Tea
Coffee 1 cup from work
Coffee small starbucks- like a million calories
Salad, chicken, bac bits, honey must, carrots
Coffee, 1 cup
Blt
Crackers n hummus like 12 saltines
Thera flu

And i’m full. And sad because I thought I was all looking hot and guess what- the scale reads 171.4. I wanted to throw up. Not really, because I know my clothes have been fitting better. So it’s what-
muscle? I’m gaining muscle faster than i’m losing lbs?? I don’t want to concentrate on losing lbs because then I get sad and obsessive- but really? UP in lbs!?? So not fair.

lately i’ve been

eating pretty decent.  nothing extraordinary.  i’m just trying to keep it consistent.

eating mostly cereal for bkfast, med amt

drinking acai berry juice

eating wrap w/ tamboule and gorg warmed mostly

trying to include at least 1 banana

and drinking more water

After sleep

168.6
My lowest ever since my fatness of 2009. And to think- I was going to eat mcdonalds last night after class. Thank goodness I talked myself into just a sweet tea- and half of It at that, it was diluted too much.
I saw an interview once, where a woman said “it’s ridiculous to think u will lose weight and never go to sleep hungry. Of course you will be hungry”.
Well, I went to sleep hungry , and the scale is going down. I feel friggin great about it. Can’t wait to c more results.

So. Last night I also stayed up to study some Spanish. So now I feel like i’m at least accomplishing something with myself!

Intake:
Acai juice
Bowl cereal- honey bunches oats
Output- step class
Water

post leighanne’s class – my meatballs in red sauce, with melted mzz cheese; water
Geeze I really had no interest in eating after losing that extra lb! That’ll change, i’m sure, I’ll be struggling to put the fork down soon. I fucking hope not.
Whole grain quesadilla just chicken gorg and dip light oil and spices
Steak- porterhouse- overcooked. Never wait to someone to join u for dinner. Just fucking eat when you are ready!
With steak sauce. So dry. Hated it.
Water.
Dessert- jello pudding cup 80 cals.

Bad mood all around. I WAS fine till H kept me waiting- now it’s 9 pm and i’m 2-3 hours late. I fucking hate everything. Oh and then got an annoying codependent email. Really cannot deal with anyone anymore. I give up.

There’s an island. And i’m on it.

169.2

When iwant to detox- it’s the same as just not eating quite so much.

I’m back below 170– let’s keep it this way. Let’s keep getting smaller.

Goal 1- weigh 160
Goal 2- weigh 150
Goal 3- weigh 140
Goal 4- weigh 130
This is baby steps, I know, but it’s got to start somewhere. Goal 5- 120???!!!!??!?!

Omg I would look so f’ing hot at 120!

Eats

Cereal- honey bunches oats reasonale amount
Spin class
Wrap w ckn n gorg
Burger bun ketchup
coffee
Z bar 140 cals
Was that all I had today? No wonder i’m f’ing hungry!!???!
Iced tea sweet

I’ve been all talk

And it’s sickening.
I want to learn espanol.
I want to lose fat.
I want to put the fork down, say no to carbs, and just eat clean already. I just need to stop allowing myself to…be lazy.
If I always do what I’ve always done; I’ll always get what I’ve always got.

Ugh. Stop it!!

170.0 again

today i said to my trainer, i want to lose fat…make it happen.  then he gave me another run down of what i’m supposed to eat.  and for all of one hour i was convinced i would listen.

and then the day happened, and i proved i coudl not.

 

intake:

groupnd beef n egg whites, ketchup

workout w/ trainer plus 30 cardio 10 before, 25 after 10 step 18ish (1mile) treadmill … ok a lil more than 30 total

5 garlic knots, 1 slice bread dipped in oil n spices

1 grilled ckn wrap w/ ranch dressing

nap.   for forever.

dinner – water, subway blt, chips baked lays

Fatness

I feel fatty again. Because I am.

In
Yogurt
Water
Acai juice
Egg gr beef ketchup
Eggplant wrap gorg
6 in subway sub- grill ckn
1 bag baked lays

No ex
Watched a show
Need to walk the line. Sooo sloppy.

It’s a hard balance

Because in the end, i’m a student, i’m a houswife, i’m someone who wants to red the newspaper and a couple of great books, i’m interested in the world and fixing it…and i just don’t know how. and i also want to be selfish and have a great physique and concentrate on ME. It’s a hard balance. it’s really hard. And i just don’t know how well I’m doing…