It’s a hard balance

Because in the end, i’m a student, i’m a houswife, i’m someone who wants to red the newspaper and a couple of great books, i’m interested in the world and fixing it…and i just don’t know how. and i also want to be selfish and have a great physique and concentrate on ME. It’s a hard balance. it’s really hard. And i just don’t know how well I’m doing…

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September 23, 2009 - Posted by Lexie | Uncategorized

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Ultra-Fit Chick in a Flabby Person’s Body

I am this: someone who has, for as long as I can remember, been ‘a little overweight’. I’m not comfortable in a bikini (nor would I subject you to that) and at times, not even comfortable in my own skin. I”m a little tired of it. I’ve decided to just do what healthy people do — to eat clean and work out like a monster and maybe, just maybe one day I will have the physique of those beautiful women I see in the Oxygen and fitness magazines.

The Caveat: I’ve had more than 20 years of bad habits to overcome: not only is it the excess lbs i want to shed, but i want to rid myself of a lifetime of quite simply…an unhealthy attitude. i’ve been an emotional eater, i’ve been an overeater. i’ve eaten when happy, when sad, when in celebration or looking for some kind of ‘reward’ (what am i, a dog? doggie’s got a treat!!)

The Sad Thing: is that I really kick ass when at the gym. I truly surprise people by my energy, my form, how friggin hard I work…so in the end, I think underneath this forty-some-odd pounds of flabby fatty flesh, is an athlete. I’m sad that my parents never nurtured that in me. I’m sad that it’s taken me this long to realize that YES i can run and YES i can go for a bike ride, on a spin bike or regular and YES i can maneuver myself around a weight room!

So In The End: this is my journal. my daily intake and output, sometimes how i’m feeling. I hope to see you again when I finish beating myself up. At 5’6″ i’m aiming for 140 lbs, although ball parking it b/c i want to have some muscle. not some, much. much muscle. many muscles.

I go by Lexie these days. Lexie Lopez when I become a fabulously fit transformation story. I gripe here, I gripe on twitter (username: LexieLo). If you’re up for listening to my daily angst, (although I don’t know why you would…) read on. I’m writing it anyway, cuz in the end…it’s all for myself.

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I Just Want to Live Healthier

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